I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
