Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
