We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
