Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
