Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
