No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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