I cockslap morals
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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