im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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