I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
