I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
