They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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