i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
