Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
