why didn't you poke me back
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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