it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
