If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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