Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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