umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
