Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
