It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
