We're facebook friends in real life
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
