Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
