No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
