He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How external is "for external use only"?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
