hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
