After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
