Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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