I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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