I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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