I wanna passion pit in your ass
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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