Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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