mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
