I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
