The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
