I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
