I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
