i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
