I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
