I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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