went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize