Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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