a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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