If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
