I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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