Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
third nipple confirmed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
