evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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