how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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