I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
