I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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