Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
