i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
