Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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