High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
