i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
