no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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