Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
