I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
