So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
