If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
