the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
