thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
