You made me cry and you don't even care
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
