It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
