If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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