bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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