puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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