people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
