??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Green mimosas i think yes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize